Memento Mori

I went to the cinema to see ’28 Years Later’ on Monday.  I won’t spoil the plot but there is a mention of something that touched a nerve with me.  The words ‘memento mori’. Remember death. 

It sounds morbid but actually, it’s quite the contrary.  Stoicism is an ancient philosophy for living a better life, which has seen a rise in interest recently.   The words used in the film, ‘memento mori’, are part of its core thinking and serve as a reminder that we are all approaching death.  Of course, there is another side to that coin.   ‘Memento vivere’.  Remember life.  We get but one life and that life is for living, as well as we can.

The Stoic philosopher advocated three key ‘disciplines’; Perception – how we see the world and the meaning we make,  Action – the decisions and actions we take, and for what purpose, and Will – understanding what is in our control and accepting what is not, exercising sound judgement according to the virtues of wisdom, courage, temperance and justice, to cultivate resilience, purpose and joy, to live a good life in harmony with nature.   What’s not to like?

The rub is how we achieve these things.  Modern life is frenetic and can be overwhelming, full of stress and anxiety, people feel burned out, the climate and environment are changing rapidly (not for the better in most cases), there are economic and social hardships everywhere, and social isolation and mental health issues are rising. 

There are so many barriers to living well. 

However, there are answers to the dilemma.  One of these is to operate with compassion, self-compassion, remembering that we are human.  Each of us will experience a full suite of human emotions, thoughts and feelings, sometimes all in one day!  Creating awareness of our thinking and feelings, and their impact on us and others, is a step in the development of greater emotional intelligence and regulation.  

The place where we are able to make change is right now, in the present.  The past in done, a rope of woven experiences, decisions and actions, events, people and places.  The future is yet to come and despite the illusion of control, none of knows what will happen in the next 5 mins, let alone, 5 weeks, months, years, despite all our planning.  I’m not saying that planning is bad, but living life lithely, with a psychologically flexible approach, without holding too rigidly to our thoughts, or societal rules, can make for a more bearable, more joyous life.  Expecting life to change unexpectedly but having the resilience and fortitude to manage those changes and challenges, and reducing the negative impacts of our thinking, can be very freeing.  We devote so much time to railing again things that we cannot change, generating anger, frustration, anxiety and more, but by reducing the power our negative thinking has over us, we can take more time for the things and people we love and value.  What more could you do with all the energy if it were not directed at rumination and worry?

Our brains are problem solving predicting systems, that are trying desperately to keep us alive and safe.  But remembering that death is coming can offer the opportunity to live more fully in the present, savouring each and every day, to be present, to live in congruence with our values and use them as our compass and guide for the decisions and actions we take, the influence we have on others.